Understanding the Journey of Sharing
As a parent, it can be frustrating when your child refuses to share their toys or belongings. You might worry about their social development or feel embarrassed when they refuse to take turns. If this sounds familiar, take a deep breath—you are not alone. Learning to share is a developmental process, and your child is navigating big emotions and experiences as they figure it out.
Rather than seeing refusal to share as a sign of selfishness, it helps to recognize it as a stage of growth. Young children, especially toddlers, are still learning about ownership, control, and fairness. By approaching this phase with patience and understanding, you can help them build the social skills and empathy they need to become generous and cooperative individuals.
Why Is Sharing So Hard for Young Children?
Sharing is a skill that takes time and practice to develop. There are several reasons why children may struggle with it:
Developmental Readiness – Young children are naturally egocentric, meaning they see the world primarily through their own needs and desires. Around age two, children begin to understand ownership, but the concept of sharing still feels abstract. As they grow, their ability to see others’ perspectives strengthens, making sharing easier over time.
Sense of Ownership – Children often form deep attachments to their belongings. Their toys, books, and stuffed animals may feel like extensions of themselves, making the idea of letting someone else use them unsettling.
Fear of Loss – Some children worry that if they share something, they may not get it back or it might get damaged. This fear is particularly strong for children who have had experiences where sharing led to disappointment.
Emotional Regulation – Sharing requires a child to manage frustration, disappointment, and patience. For young children still developing emotional regulation skills, this can be a big ask. Teaching self-soothing techniques can help them navigate these challenges.
Encouraging Sharing in a Positive Way
Rather than forcing sharing, which can create anxiety or resentment, focus on creating an environment where generosity and turn-taking feel safe and rewarding.
Model Generosity – Children learn best by watching the people around them. Show them what sharing looks like in everyday life. Offer them bites of your food, share a blanket during a movie, or take turns choosing a family activity. Use simple language: "I love sharing my blanket with you! It makes me feel cozy."
Praise Positive Sharing Moments – When your child shares voluntarily, acknowledge it with specific praise: "That was so kind of you to let your friend play with your truck. I bet that made him feel happy!" This reinforces the idea that sharing is positive and valued.
Use Play to Teach Turn-Taking – Playing games that require taking turns, such as board games or rolling a ball back and forth, can help children practice patience and cooperation in a fun way. Reinforce the idea that waiting for a turn can be just as rewarding as getting one.
Respect Their Feelings – It’s okay if your child isn’t ready to share certain treasured items. Instead of forcing them, offer alternatives: "I see that your teddy bear is very special to you. How about we find another stuffed animal your friend can play with?" This approach shows respect for their emotions while encouraging them to be considerate of others.
Give Them a Sense of Control – Empower your child by letting them choose what they are comfortable sharing. Before a playdate, ask: "Would you like to pick a few toys to put away that you don’t want to share today? And then we can pick some toys that are great for playing together!" This helps children feel safe while still participating in social play.
Talk About Feelings and Empathy – Help your child connect their actions with emotions. If they refuse to share, calmly ask, "How do you think your friend feels when they want a turn and don’t get one?" Likewise, when they are the ones waiting, acknowledge their feelings: "It’s hard to wait, isn’t it? I know you really want a turn. Let’s ask for one kindly."
Use Stories and Books – Reading books about sharing and discussing characters’ feelings can help children internalize these lessons. Stories provide a safe space for children to explore emotions and behavior without pressure.
Encourage Problem-Solving – When conflicts over sharing arise, guide your child to brainstorm solutions. For example, suggest setting a timer to take turns or finding an alternative toy. Teaching negotiation skills at a young age fosters cooperation and confidence.
Create a Culture of Sharing at Home – Beyond toys, encourage sharing in different ways—sharing responsibilities, snacks, or space. Reinforce the message that sharing is a valued family practice, not just a rule for playdates.
Be Patient and Celebrate Progress
Like any other social skill, sharing takes time to develop. Some days will be easier than others, and that’s okay. The goal isn’t to force generosity but to help your child develop a natural willingness to share through trust, security, and understanding.
By approaching sharing with patience, empathy, and encouragement, you’re laying the foundation for kindness and cooperation—skills that will serve your child well throughout their life. Over time, they will learn that sharing brings joy, strengthens friendships, and fosters a sense of belonging, setting them up for meaningful and fulfilling relationships.