The Third Baby Effect—Excitement, Chaos, and a Little Bit of Panic

By Samantha Gardner

Photo by Ryan Andrews | https://www.ryanandrewsphotography.com/

I’ve done this before. Twice, actually. I have two wild, hilarious, energetic boys who have made me the mom I am today—resilient, patient (most of the time), and an expert at pretending I don’t hear the word “Mom!” shouted 4,762 times a day. And now, here we go again. But this time, it’s different. This time, it’s a girl.

And I’m terrified.

Not because I don’t want her—I already love her in a way I can’t explain. But because of three kids? That’s next-level parenting. That’s zone defense. That’s an extra little human with needs and emotions and tiny socks that will get lost in the laundry forever. And my brain keeps running through the logistics like a frantic event planner.

How do I split myself three ways?How do I make sure the boys (especially the middle) don’t feel left out?How do I keep my own sanity intact when I already feel maxed out?

The Mental Load of Adding One More

Here’s the thing: parenting isn’t just a physical job. It’s a mental one. The schedules, the meal planning, the emotional check-ins, the invisible list of all the things. And while two felt like controlled chaos (on a good day), three feels like an entirely new game.

I worry about being stretched too thin. I worry about losing myself in the swirl of diapers, homework, and tantrums. I worry about making sure my boys still feel just as important when so much of my time will be spent nursing, rocking, and keeping a tiny human alive.

And then there’s the mom guilt. Oh, the guilt.

I don’t want my boys to feel like they’re being pushed aside. They are so pumped and so excited, whispering to my stomach, coming up with names and nicknames. It feels like it should be a great transition…but I’m still worried. Their world is shifting. How do I prepare them for that? Do I just say nothing and see how it goes? Do I introduce a little terror to temper their excitement? Do I sob to them and say sorry, I’m going to be a mess for a little while?

Helping My Boys Adjust to Their Baby Sister

I know this change isn’t just about me—it’s about them too. My oldest? He’ll slide into the “protective big brother” role seamlessly. It’s his second time around, after all. And he’s probably the most excited of us all. But my younger one? He still thinks he is the baby of the family. This will definitely be tough for him. In fact, he told my mom the other day that he was scared of having a sister. She asked him if he wasn’t also excited, and he said, “Of course I am! Excited and scared!” And honestly, buddy? That’s exactly how I feel too!

So here’s my plan:

1. Talk, talk, and talk some more. I’m already prepping them with conversations about their sister, what babies need, and how they’ll be the coolest big brothers ever.

2. Give them jobs. Kids love a sense of importance, so I’ll make them my little helpers. Fetching diapers, singing to her, telling her stories—whatever makes them feel included.

3. One-on-one time. We started Happypillar because I saw the huge impact of daily, child-led play time. Even if it’s just a few minutes of undivided attention, I want my older kids to know they still have me. When I’m so tired that I can’t remember what day it is, the Happypillar app will keep me on track with reminders and encouragement.

4. Let them feel their feelings. Change is hard, even when it’s exciting. If they’re frustrated, jealous, or just over it, I’ll remind myself that’s okay.

   
   
   
   

   

   
   

The Optimism in the Chaos

Despite all my worries, here’s what I do know: I’m going to figure it out. Because moms always do.

Will there be moments where I feel completely overwhelmed? Absolutely. Will there be nights when I cry from exhaustion? Without a doubt. But I also know that my heart is about to grow in ways I can’t even imagine.

This little girl is already so loved. She’s coming into a home full of laughter, silliness, and so much screaming and wrestling. She has two big brothers who will teach her how to be tough and tender at the same time. She has parents who, while slightly terrified, are ready to meet her and welcome her into our messy, wonderful, chaotic world.

So yes, I’m scared. But I’m also excited. “Of course I am! Excited and scared!” Because if I’ve learned anything from parenting so far, it’s that the best things in life are always a little bit terrifying at first.

And I’ve got this. We’ve got this.